A (Diss)Appointment

Apologies for the brief hiatus, I will admit I have not been feeling well over these last few weeks. A combination of disappointment, health related issues and my inability to cope with anything has made for a difficult time, one I am still trying to move on from.

For those of you that has followed the blog for a while, you may be aware that last year I sought professional assistance for my mental health as it had declined rapidly and to dangerous lows I had not felt in a long while. Presently, mental health services are under a massive strain, probably more so since the outbreak of Covid, with a rise of health related anxiety, depression from isolation/loneliness.

With the increases of demand I had to wait longer than usual for my first assessment consultation, completely understandable, I had an appointment that was all that mattered, it gave me hope, I was on the right path to get help.

That is until the date of the appointment came, these consultations are carried out over the phone at present due to the pandemic. I was allocated a time, pre-filled the questionnaire you are given beforehand and just had to wait for the call. The call came…..but not one I had expected. Ten minutes after my consultation time was due to start, I was told my appointment had been cancelled due to lack of staff.

I was told to expect more communication for another appointment and that was that. I was devastated. I know that the person on the other end of the line is not at fault, I know that these services are doing the very best they can sometimes on very little support, but for me personally this was a massive blow. I had geared myself up for this appointment, having to keep myself calm as I knew that I would be going through all the gritty details of my mental health. It completely winded me that it was not going to happen. In my unbalanced mind I blamed myself, perhaps I do not deserve the help.

This is nonsense, I see that now but at the time my anxiety was heightened and the irrational sets in. I hope with the increased need for the mental health services comes a new appreciation for them too. That they receive the funding and support they need to run efficiently.

It did make me wander how a cancellation could effect someone who does have the support of people around them. To sound dramatic, I had held on for my original appointment, when I was feeling particularly low in the back of my head was the reminder I had reached out, I was on the right track. I was lucky when the effect of the cancellation knocked me for six, I had family around me who supported me through it.

A brief suggestion, if you haven’t spoken to someone in a while maybe just check in on them with a message or a call, or if you’ve been feeling despondent/low/unmotivated reach out, I know that is easier said than done, but honestly it could be the difference between feeling low for months or just a few days.

I did receive my consultation recently and am hopefully now on track to be seen by the right people, there may be more waiting but for the moment I feel heard and grateful for the chance to get help.

To end the post on something more positive, although some of you may debate of it is a positive. I got a pet jumping spider, a Phidippus Regius to be exact. A beautiful male I have named Yeti.

As a little girl growing up, if you had told me that as an adult I would have a pet spider I would of definitely thought you were lying. I never had a strong aversion to them like some people do, but equally I did not appreciate them from a young age.

I do sometimes wander if the original lockdown had never occurred would I still have found my love of macro? Would I have thought to research spiders? The answers are probably not, or it would of taken me years to get there. I will always be grateful for coming to macro through the lockdown. It is a firm passion, I get so excited when I find new spiders and mini beasts.

Anyway I digress, back to Yeti, I am absolutely smitten. I did some research about the Phidippus Reguis also known as the regal jumping spider, being the responsible spider owner I am, I’ll share some of what I’ve learnt already.

Jumping spiders when they want to propel themselves, they suddenly change the blood flow in their bodies, increasing the blood flow to special muscles, which fully extends the legs and causes the spider to leap. Apparently some jumping spiders can jump up to 50 x its body length!

Even though jumping spiders don’t make webs to catch prey like the orb weaver family, they do use their web string as bungees, in case they fail a landing after jumping or to make their own hammock to sleep in. These spiders are diurnal (active during the daytime and inactive at night).

Jumping spiders have four sets of eyes, they have some of the best vision among arthropods (an invertebrate with an exoskeleton, a segmented body and jointed appendages). Their field of view is a staggering 360°.

I hope you’ve found these snippets as interesting as I do. I hope in the past couple of weeks you have all been in good spirits and keeping well. Until next time, take care.

Winter Macro

One evening last week, all of a sudden, I had the crazy idea to go out into the garden with my macro set up and see what I could find in the dark. I cannot explain why I felt compelled to go out at that particular time of day, I am just very grateful I did. I surprised myself with what I managed to capture.

The weather was mild and dry for a January evening. Taking a torch, I scanned along the garden boundary. It didn’t take me long to find spiders, busy building webs in the dark. It was fascinating to watch as the spider handled the thread it had produced, scaling along one piece of thread to move forward, while placing another thread behind.

You can see why in Greek mythology the first spider was attributed to a weaver.

Arachne was an incredibly talented weaver who challenged the goddess Athena to a weaving contest. Athena crafted a tapestry depicting the Greek Gods as heroes, full of majesty, Arachne choosing to illustrate the many injustices the Greek Gods had carried out. Arachnes skill was undeniable but the subject matter enraged Athena who destroyed the tapestry woven by Arachne and transformed her into the spider.

Venturing further in the garden I came across two varieties of spider I have not knowingly come across before. My new spider field guide coming in extremely useful in identifying them.

The Walnut Orb spider, although quite a common spider, hide away during the day and emerge at night being the first of the new finds. Followed by Anyphaena Accentuata, also known as buzzing spiders (named due to the way the males vibrate their abdomen against the surface of leaves to attract a female). Managing to capture both of these filled me with such delight.

It is no secret how much I miss macro, so getting results in the colder season just fills me with such joy.

Another surprise discovery was finding a pair of moths in the gravel, procreating. I have not been unable to positively identify them as of yet. I am not sure if this behavior is out of season or expected. If I am able to find out I will provide the information in a later post. I find the more I learn about the natural world, the more interested I am in it and become more eager to learn all I can.

I look forward to more night time macro adventures during the year (regardless of lockdown) to see what else I can discover and learn.

How have you all been coping with the latest lockdown?

I have to admit my mental health has had a bit of a lull recently. New routines and being confined to the house has taken its toll. Although, doing something different, as simple as taking the camera out in the garden at a different time of day, made such a difference to break up the monotony.

Is there anything you have found helps you when you start to feel low?

I recently caught up on the series A Perfect Planet (BBC IPlayer) which I would highly recommend viewing. Some parts are not an easy watch, in particular where the effects of climate change and our part in it is discussed/demonstrated, which, in truth, should be uncomfortable to watch. Hopefully it will change peoples attitude and aide them in making better decisions in the future regarding the environment. Its not all doom and gloom though, the rain frog being a personal highlight.

Getting cosy, with a cup of tea and watching something like this really helps to calm me, especially if I cannot concentrate my mind on reading. Winterwatch (BBC) has returned to our screens this week and is another nature series where I know I can watch, learn and be calmed by. Its comfort watching. Are there any series’ or films you turn to when you need comforting?

I really hope you are all well, until next time, take care.

A Touch of Frost

There is something rather magical about a frosty landscape.

Trees, berries and flora, who once were dull, bare and rather sad looking due to the season are suddenly encased in ice, that glistens white, to create an ethereal setting that puts me in the mind of Narnia at the time of the Snow Queens reign.

This past week we were treated to such a scene, a hard frost that lasted throughout the day.

Out into the garden I ventured to observe how the ice had changed the landscape. Formations of ice, known as soft rime ice, caused by water droplets freezing in light fog/mist to outer surfaces, in this case branches, leaves etc…generally in the appearance of white needles/scales covered virtually all of the garden.

I wanted to dedicate my photography to the changes these formations made to the smaller landscape, rather than the bigger picture, so I decided upon my macro lens (Sigma 105mm).

Simply shaped leaves now surrounded by delicate, spiky ice, Holly bushes with frosted berries and their leaves given white outlines all drew my attention.

One of my favourite finds were spider webs vacated by their maker and given an icy makeover. Their intricate designs highlighted by the frost.

Even without the frost, the garden has been a great solace for me. Birds visiting the feeders are a great source of entertainment. Since the beginning of the year I have been keeping a list of birds/animals that have visited the garden. It will be interesting to see how this evolves during the year.

Unfortunately, I do not have any birding pictures for this week, but the sightings I have noted have given me a great aim for upcoming posts to try and capture. I will not spoil the surprise of what sightings I have made, I am hoping to be able to show you!

I hope you are all bearing up during the lockdown, I sometimes wander what I would be doing to keep my sanity if I didn’t have photography. What has helped you so far during these times?

A great symbol of hope that I was able to snap this past week, was the humble snowdrop. Seen as a signal of the upcoming spring, this bloom is a welcome sight in the garden. I love looking for markers of each season, for the past 3 years I have owned an almanac to aid me in what to look out for in each month of the year.

I would highly recommend The Almanac created by Lia Leendertz, not only a beautiful looking book full of gorgeous illustrations, it is jammed packed with pages of what to look out for each month, what to be working on in the garden, folklore relating to the month plus much more.

This year I have also purchased The Night sky Almanac by Storm Dunlop and Will Tirion, apart from my moon pictures I would like to give astro-photography a proper try this year (weather permitting).

Before Christmas we were treated to “The Star of Bethlehem” where Jupiter and Saturn were aligned to appear as one star, last occurring in 1623. Sadly the evening when the great conjunction happened, a cloudy sky prevented it being seen from here, although the previous and latter evenings they could be clearly seen in the sky extremely close together. Did you manage to see the alignment?

Again, no photographic evidence was collected for the event, I am hoping that with the Night sky almanac I can prepare and research how to capture different astro occasions, helped by the fact I should be aware of them in ample time. Fingers Crossed!

I hope the past week has been a good one for you all, I wish you all the best, until next time, take care.

2021

Since my last post: we have entered a new year, commenced a new lockdown and have been given hope in the form of a new vaccine.

Firstly, I would like to begin by wishing you all a very happy new year, I really hope the festive season has been kind to you all and the new year has started well despite the new measures that have recently been put into place.

As if the festive season was not hectic enough, I added a house move to the mix. A lot of my mental health was tested with packing, unpacking and adjusting to the change.

One of the huge positives from the move is the new garden, which houses an abundance of nature that is well established, I have been reading on ways to potentially attracting more too. A goal for the year. I look forward to seeing if I manage this.

Nature has always been a great remedy for me, if I am feeling anxious, watching the birds at the feeder can be a great distraction. It may not take my worries away, but it allows me time to settle my thoughts, calm and focus.

So in-between of unpacking and settling in, I have been out in all weathers to sit in garden with the camera.

Even out in snow! Which was a very welcome surprise, it generally misses the area where I live, usually favoring higher regions. I find snow so enchanting, I just adore it, almost as much as my pooch. Its the first time Lance has encountered snow and he absolutely loved it, bounding around like a puppy, it was a struggle getting him back into the house.

Bird watching has been a big focus while out with the camera, top of my wishlist for the future is a pop up hide, there have been Jays who I have seen visit, who I am desperate to capture but are too shy to enter the garden with me in view.

A completely new sighting for me which I did manage to get a quick snap of, who is also the UKs smallest bird (alongside the Firecrest) is a Goldcrest. This bird is perpetually in motion, a blur of movement between branches, I was surprised to get any shot that was in focus. I am very excited to say that I have noticed it in the garden a few times, I am hopeful that this will remain the case for the coming months.

Macro was my savior during the original lockdown, unfortunately it will take a back seat due to the colder months. Although I did manage to get a snowflake shot, which is just as difficult as shooting a jumping spider! Bird, wildlife and nature will be my aim to shoot this time around.

How is everyone feeling about the new lockdown?

I have to say personally I am relieved. With the numbers of positive tests and hospital admittance’s on the rise, it makes sense for there to be more restrictions on daily life for the present moment.

There is hope in the form of a vaccine, which over the coming months with be administered to the most vulnerable in society. These times are hopefully temporary. A necessity to overcome these surreal times.

I know the thought of another lockdown can be scary, I can only hope that with the restrictions in place and the jab being rolled out we are on the final, hardest stretch before we can return to a type of normality.

If you do find yourself struggling with your mental health, I can only implore you to reach out, to family, friends, charities. We need to support each other more than ever.

I shall leave you with the shots I took throughout December. As you can see, Robins are a prominent feature. These feisty little birds have been a regular to the garden and have been serenading me since I moved in (nothing to do with defining territories, or attracting a mate).

I wish you all the best, until next time, take care.

A Year.

2020, without a doubt, has been the most surreal year I have every lived through. I think it is fair to say that this will be a universal truth for everybody.

Reflecting over the past year it strikes me just how quickly this year has gone, it doesn’t seem that long ago we were preparing for the original lock-down in March. I cannot believe that in a matter of weeks we will be welcoming in a brand new year.

Personally I have really struggled this year. My mental health has been affected severely by the uncertainty of the year, not only by the world wide pandemic but insidious battles I had thought I had previously won, which have raised their ugly head to add to an already vulnerable year.

At present I am still struggling with the day to day, the self abuse and lack of motivation continues, still feeling withdrawn from friends and family, I keep dwelling on reasons on why I don’t belong here. I apologise for being very blunt with my mindset, I am hopeful that the fact I am very self aware of these symptoms means I am starting the road to recovery. (I hope that makes sense)

I thought to try and focus on something good, I would look back at my year in regards to my photography. So in the gallery of this post are my personal favourites of the year, in no particular order.

This year has definitely been the year of macro!

This genre of photography has really taken my heart. It was my saving grace during the 1st lock-down, giving me a goal each day. I loved spending days in the garden, finding whatever mini beasts I could, trying not to scare them off, while trying to get close and trying to get a decent snap.

I thoroughly enjoy the challenge of macro. I get such a sense of achievement with my macro work, more so than any other genre.

Who would have ever thought, that by the end of this year I would absolutely, without a doubt, love spiders and wasps!

I am usually one of those people that like the colder months, the colours of Autumn , the festive season with cosy evenings in but I am hankering for the warmer months just for the macro season.

One of my aims regarding my macro shooting in the new year, is to source a better diffuser for my flash gun to take my shots to another level. Its a genre I desperately want to improve in.

One of the things I have learnt this year, is how little I knew about insects, bugs and spiders.

Everytime I shot something new it was so exciting finding out what they were, how they lived, giving me a new found appreciation for this small world that we live so closely to but have very little knowledge of (in my case for sure).

A great example of this was my post on the subject of wasps, a creature you think you know. Its such a common insect and usually very disliked by people. The more I researched them the more I realised how needed they are in the ecosystem and what amazing insects they truly were. I wander what under appreciated creature I will learn about next year?

In the times where travel was permitted, I am extremely grateful to have been to some absolutely gorgeous locations. Top of the list for me was the very popular Mam Tor. I had never been to the Peak District before this visit, the views were absolutely glorious, awe inspiring really. I am hoping if we are able to next year, to find plenty more locations in the Peaks, its an area I am keen to explore in more detail.

This year nature and wildlife has reined supreme for me. The natural world never ceases to amaze me and I am never bored with what it offers. This I am certain will continue not only into the new year but always.

I will now take this moment to Thank all of you for supporting the blog this year. From putting up with all my moaning and my mental health roller coaster ride, I truly appreciate the fact you take the time to read my posts. I love writing and I really hope that comes across with the blog, it helps me think differently and try (try) not to always focus on the negative.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! It means the absolute world to me.

I really wish you all a very Merry Christmas and I hope the New Year finds you happy, healthy and prosperous!

Have you got any aims for the new year? Do you have any favourites shots from the year? I would love to hear from you.

I will probably not blog now until the new year, I am taking time out to get better and start afresh in the new year hopefully motivated and feeling creative.

Until next time, take care.

Better Call SAAL

This weeks blog is going to be a little different.

I will admit I have no new photographs to share, the headaches I suffered the previous week, which had started to subside, returned with a vengeance after last weekend and just knocked me for six. I have not had the camera out or been anywhere all week, which is the first time in ages. I am missing it dearly.

So, instead of having a break week I am going to talk about a photo album I recently tested. This isn’t an ad, I hope this comes across as me being authentic and just giving credit where credit is due.

Background: Since I started my Instagram page I had seen SAAL Digitals sponsored posts asking for people to apply to test their photo books. The premise being you apply to be a tester and you receive a £100 voucher to create a professional line photo book.

I avoided it, it looked to good to be true. I can be quite cynical about these things (which isn’t a bad thing, as for every genuine offer there’s probably 100’s of scam ones). So when I saw a few other Instagram pages I follow (people who I respect for their craft and opinion) review the books and say that it was legitimate, I thought I would give it a go.

So I applied and was accepted.

I have thousands of photos that I have never printed. To be honest, the world of printing is another art form in itself. If I were to ever sell my pictures I would not know where to look for quality prints. I had nothing to lose by testing SAALs product.

I decided upon creating a macro focused portfolio book. Throughout all the recent lock down and surreal times it has been my macro photography that has been my saving grace. It is the photography I am most fond of, also something that I don’t usually say about myself, it is the genre I feel I have most improved in.

Down to the technical, to create a SAAL photobook you need to install their software which is easily found on their website : https://www.saal-digital.co.uk/

It was pretty easy to create the pages, the hardest part for me was picking what pictures I wanted to use.

A feature I really appreciated when creating the book was when you added an image to the book creator it would state what the image quality would be like for printing. This meant I could ensure all the images would be the absolute best quality and that the sizing of the images was correct.

You can get quite creative with layouts, backgrounds, adding text or patterns. I kept things quite simple.

All done and ordered (for full clarity my photo book was a 30″ x 21″ Professional Line XT, with matte photo paper, 20 pages which was cost at £94.99 for which I used my voucher, I paid for delivery) I just had to wait to for my creation to be made, dispatched and delivered. It was not a long wait, I received it within a week.

I love it!

It makes my photographs look professional (which I guess it should for a professional line photo book). I have included a flick through video to show how nice this album looks. The print quality is amazing, the pages are thick which I like personally as it feels more durable.

I will say if your looking for a standard photo book for family pictures then you probably wouldn’t go for the professional line book I got, SAAl do sell standard photo books, prints and other products but I can only comment on what I tested, if your looking for a company to create wedding/special occasion albums, or portfolio books for your work then I cannot recommended them highly enough.

So thank you to SAAL Digital for the voucher and a chance to test the product (I will add I would absolutely love to test any other of their products, my shameless plea).

I now own a fantastic portfolio of my macro work, I have to say I am proud of myself when I look through it. It’s a reminder of the effort and excitement I got when I captured those images. It is something to look at when I am lacking confidence, to show how far I’ve come in my skills and what I have achieved so far.

So in the theme of giving credit where credit is due, what products would you recommend to me?

Next week I am hoping for things to return to the status quo with my health and photography. I hope you don’t mind the slightly different blog post this week. I hope you are all well, until next time, take care.

Look at my photo book

Last Hurrah!

The past weekend brought with it a distinct drop in temperature. It’s the first time, in a long time, where I have felt cold while out shooting. Even with the sun shining the chill in the air was palpable.

My main focus for this shoot was a huge ivy bush which was absolutely teeming with life. Wasps, bees and a huge hornet were all bustling around the still in flower ivy.

It felt a little bit like a last hurrah for my macro. With the cooler temperatures setting in the macro season will be slowly drawing to a close.

Not many insects are active over winter, some lay dormant as adults throughout the winter to emerge again in the spring. An interesting word I learnt when reading into overwintering insects was diapause (insect hibernation).

This particular ivy bush provided an incredible bounty of pollen, still in flower, it offered a vital source for the insects that visited it.

There were plenty of wasps around, fighting over available flowers, between themselves and anything that dared to visit. One unfortunate honey bee was mobbed by a feisty wasp that appeared to sting the bee! It took me a while to realise what had I had seen. Some amazing behavior to witness, unfortunately I did not get a shot.

Honey bees were quite prevalent, as was a single, huge hornet. Its amazing how much bigger hornets are on relation to wasps and bees, seeing them side by side. They were flying too high for me to get a decent capture but were fascinating to observe, they appeared sluggish compared to the frantic to-ing and fro-ing of the wasps.

It was great to focus on my macro again, unfortunately my mental health still isn’t the best but its on the up. Positives for me to think upon were; I was motivated to be out with the camera, I enjoyed being out with the camera and I am pleased with what I captured.

Some of the snaps I managed to get over the past weekend are some of my best, in my opinion. Thinking of what I would like to achieve next with my macro photography, I would really like to learn how to stack images, this can take images to the next level in terms of image quality and how much detail can be seen in the image.

I think its important for me to keep learning on how to improve, I am not one to be complacent with my shots. If there are any tips for stacking, diffusing light, or general photography advice, I would love to hear them!

I hope your week has been a great one, until next time, take care.

My Divine Comedy

Throughout these past few weeks I have made no secret on how I have been emotionally stuck in a state of limbo. A purgatory of neither feeling up of down as I drifted through my days. I had wrongfully thought/hoped it would lead to a good phase in my mental health.

Instead of an ascent, I crashed. I had really hoped the blog would be in a more positive vain this time around, I hate feeling like all I do is moan on here. To not include it though would be fraudulent. I hope you can bear with me til more buoyant times.

In regards to the title, for those who are unaware of Dantes great work here is a brief background.

Dante Alighieri wrote The Divine Comedy, his long narrative poem, between the years of 1308- 1320 where he describes his travels from hell (inferno) to purgatory (purgatorio) then finally to heaven (paradiso).

For me there was no reaching paradiso this time, I returned to hell. I wish I knew what the trigger was, all I can express is how I feel.

Imposter syndrome has returned with feelings of inadequacy, thoughts filled with self doubt, that people see quality in me that is just not there. Self love is a church I do not attend.

Its scary just how easily it becomes for me to picture myself out of the frame, so to speak. A default I fear, one I hate to linger in.

The struggles for the day to day routines return, even with writing, words escape me and i’m chasing sentences it seems. I have to force myself to get though it all, its too easy to just give up. I hope others find comfort in me sharing these hard times. It can be very alienating feeling this way.

I’ll admit I find it hard to reach out on a personal level, but to carry the weight of anxiety/depression alone is worse. Sometimes the hardest actions are the most rewarding.

I hope if you’re struggling you manage to reach out to someone be it family, friends or an external source e.g. Samaritans.

Photography, like last week has taken a back seat. I’ve still managed a few macro shots in the garden. With the cooler weather looking set to start this week I am wandering where this will leave me and my photography. Macro season draws to a close and I am unsure of what I would like to try over the colder months.

A quick update on the big garden makeover, the garden boundary is now finished and the fun of planning planting schemes begins.

I hope the past week has found you in brighter spirits than myself. Until next time, take care.

Stuck In The Doldrums

I had really hoped that with another week gone I would be sat here typing about how good things had been over the past week. That even with it being another quiet week, I could say my mood was bright and I felt well. Unfortunately I just cannot seem to shift this cloud from above my head.

Its really hard trying to explain how I am currently feeling, its not a low as such, I am carrying on with day to day life, but it is definitely void of feeling good. Just stuck in the doldrums.

The weekend I was out painting the garden fences a lovely charcoal grey (the colour of the moment I feel). Although I must say I splashed a lot of the paint on myself, I looked like a knock off Jackson Pollock painting!

With the weather staying fair, we have decided to renovate the back garden. I had previously mentioned in earlier blog posts how I had dug over new flower beds to encourage wildlife into the garden, these proved very successful. The wildflowers providing a much needed habitat for small world nature, that had been previously been lacking from the garden.

With all the boundary looking smart, our next aim is to hopefully create a wildlife garden. I would like to introduce more wildflowers and more colour to this once drab piece of land. Before I set that plan into action there are a couple of books I would like to research to get the best achievable plan possible for the garden. (Rewild your garden by Frances Tophill and Wild your garden by Jim and Joel Ashton, for those interested on what books I mean)

Photography has once again taken a back seat for me this past week. Just snapping bits here and there.

I was out in Worcester woods with a friend during the week and noticed that fungi are starting to make their presence known. I only had my phone camera but am pleased with what I was able to capture. I will always try and ID what I find but I will warn you its not the greatest, any corrections are greatly appreciated. I am more than happy to learn from my mistakes.

I have always (wrongfully) associated fungi exclusively with Autumn, its amazing isn’t it; once I started to take a real keen interest in nature, I’ve noticed so much more of what is happening around me throughout the year. Autumn, I believe, provides us with a more bountiful variety of fungi which leads to the assumption of it being fungi season. I hope as with last year I am able to discover new varieties and old favourites as the season goes on.

With the current garden renovations, I have had my dslr camera to hand on a couple of occasions, capturing the mini beasts I have disturbed. I do feel bad about changing the garden in a way, as I have displaced homes and habitats for the mini beasts. I just hope that they can forgive me, that when the garden is finished and they have their habitat returned, they too will return.

I hope the week has been good to you all, until next time. Take Care.

To Be Brief.

This past week has been full of extremes. I must admit, its been a struggle to get to a point where I am motivated to do anything. Thankfully the situation seems to be leveling out at this point, I really hope it continues.

The week started really well, a brief camping trip to Alton and a visit to Thors Cave in the glorious sunshine, gave me no reason to worry. I didn’t take many pictures, I was just enjoying the family time and the break away. As with many people this year our first planned family holiday had to be canceled, so we compromised in what we could achieve for time together.

Returning home, again things seemed fine. A walk along the riverside in my home city was thoroughly enjoyed, even with the brief rain showers, they didn’t dampen my spirits. I took a handful of images featured here, I’m not relatively happy with them but I am still learning with landscapes.

Then as though someone had flipped a switch in my mind, my entire mood and demeanor span 180′. I was completely floored. I didn’t eat, drink, or move from my bed for a good 48 hours. Its embarrassing to say out loud, but my hope is in writing my experience, it lifts the same feelings of guilt or shame in someone else, they are last emotions you should be feeling when you are struggling.

I am a nightmare to live with, my poor family has to put up with these days where the world moves through me and I am numb to it all. All thoughts fixated on the negative, seeing no quality anywhere. This of course isn’t true, but its a hard mindset to break. I am thankful this period did not last long, currently I am ok. Another episode over.

I am hopeful for next week to be a better week all round, for my photography (which has been greatly neglected), for my mood and for the blog.

Wishing you all a great week, until next time, take care.